Friday, July 10, 2009

Ale From Two Citruses



Friday Fiction is hosted this week by Catrina @ A Work in Progress
Click on over for great summer fiction.

Ale from Two Citruses
by Beth LaBuff

(with a nod to Charles Dickens' "Tale of Two Cities")

Oh, worst of times, like constant drips—
His quarrel-monger wife,
So on the rooftop corner
He chose to live his life.

His health had been affected.
His life brimmed with despair
And just behind his cowlick,
He’d lost most of his hair.

The word acrid could best describe
Her personality.
Likewise, the word distressed described
His frail mentality.

Critical mass point had been reached.—
He’d salvage life and house!
His first step to accomplish this—
He’d renovate his spouse.

His perplexed thoughts upon his plight,
To ease his situation
He googled into cyberspace
To gather information.

On the keyboard, keywords typed
Were “Bitter,” “quarrelsome.”
He placed his faith, his hopes and dreams,
Then prayed for the outcome.

To his surprise, a recipe
Purported forth a cure.
An ale of odd ingredients,
The listing, quite obscure.

Take two teaspoons of bitter orange,
Add one sweet lemon rind.
Blend with ascorbic acid
And sucrose – white, refined.

Add moonbeams, two troy ounces.
The potion, then, should glow.
Fold in club soda, form a paste.
Apply to her left toe.

The new dilemma of his quest—
How to apply this cure?
Baptize her left extremity—
Sprinkle the elixir?

So stealthily, while she reposed,
He drew near with the potion.
He held his breath, with trembling hand
He dabbed it on, like lotion.

Oh, best of times, his life now that
His mission was complete.
His wife, now so congenial,
His rose, she seemed so sweet.

Her charm and temper pleased him.
Then he saw her puzzled eye.
She scrutinized him toe to head.
He feared things went awry.

His sweet world turned to saccharine.
She schemed, her inspiration—
She googled “cowlick,” “hair-loss”
To anoint his situation.

***
This poem is a work of fiction.
Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead,
is entirely coincidental.

***
inspiration from:
Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof
than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Proverbs 27:15
A quarrelsome wife is like a
constant dripping on a rainy day.

© Beth LaBuff -- June 2009
written for a faithwriters.com writing challenge
Topic: Bitter and Sweet

6 comments:

Joanne Sher said...

Always SOOOO fun and enjoyable to read your stuff! Thanks for the giggle.

Sara Harricharan @ Fiction Fusion said...

ROFL!!! Loved it, Beffy! Especially the end, sure didn't see that one that coming, AT ALL!!! LOL. What a hoot!

Sherri Ward said...

Very, very cute, as usual, Beth! Loved it!

Lynda S. said...

Point a finger and several point right back. Hilarious. Enjoyed this, Beth.

The Surrendered Scribe said...

You are so creative! Fun reading, as usual!

Hoomi said...

Don't know how I missed reading this one for so long, but I'm glad I caught up!